Phrases I heard in my class on Report Card Day

2/23/2012.
It's report card day for me students..... the aftermath is below
Our report cards are delivered in a sealed envelop (to students) that is addressed:
To the Parents of __________________.

The expectation is that students will NOT open this letter, and they will give them DIRECTLY to their parents.
The following are quotes overheard in my class after receiving their report cards:

"Why does this even say, 'To the Parents of...... I bet NOBODY taking these report cards home."

Student 1: "Straight A's again, YES"
Student 2: "No one cares that you're smarter than the rest of us."
Student 1: "I do."
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Student: "This ain't making it out the classroom"
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"I'm passing all my classes for the first time all year."
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"New Student: So wait a minute.... ya'll actually GIVE the report card to the student? And we are EXPECTED to take it home? Man, that's stupid"
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"There must be some mistake........."
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"You know I'm bout to flush this $H!+ down the toilet right? Can I get a bathroom pass??"
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"Man..... Imma be grounded for another 6 weeks"
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"I'm failing everything, oh well"
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Student: Mr Ham.... got any white out?
Me: Nope, what do you need white out for?
Student: My homework **student starts smiling**
Me: Thought you did it in pencil, because you said pen makes your homework messy
Student: Ok, I just need to change a couple of these grades to look like they are passing.
Me: Isn't your mom going to notice the change??
Student: Naw, she is colorblind/
Me: Huh?????????
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Until Next time......
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